The Landlord

Washington DC is notorious for having hot and humid summers, and this particular summer was no different. In fact, it was the summer that broke all records... it was also the summer that my downstairs neighbor's air conditioning broke.

I was living in a two story house that had been subdivided into three apartments. I lived on the top floor, two girls on the main floor, and a young man in the basement. The house was quite old, and the landlord was using it purely as a cash cow, using as little money as possible to fix up problems so the place was at least habitable. So when the air conditioning went out, we figured it could be weeks before it would be replaced...and sure enough, the time began to drag on...and no air conditioning was installed.

This wasn't the only problem at the time, however. At the same time paint was peeling off the walls in several places in our apartment, the ceiling was falling apart in the main floor apartment, and the landscaping that had previously been redone earlier that spring looked very similar to a garden plot done by second graders, except this time without adult supervision. Needless to say, things weren't exactly going as one might hope.

I finally had it. I sent a scathing email letting the landlord know that we, as tenants, were unhappy with the amount of time and money that he was putting into the place. I hit the send button...it was off. Three hours later my cell phone went off, and sure enough it was the landlord. I was in no disposition to talk to him at the time, and I promptly sent him to my voice mail.

"Hello, Jay...we have a problem, and I need you to call me as soon as possible."

Oh great. He got my email and now he is angry. This isn't going to be pleasant.

Well I finished off the day, and made the call as I was driving home from work.

"Hi, this is Jay, you asked me to call?"

"Jay, how are you?"

"I'm fine," I replied, "and you?"

"Oh, I'm not so good. I twisted my ankle and I've been laid up all day." It was only at this moment that I realized that he had not received my email and was calling for an entirely different reason. "Jay, can you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Well....see....I bought a new window unit air conditioner for the main floor apartment and I left it in their apartment. I was wondering if you could just grab it and take it up to your apartment for the time being?"

"Why?"

"Well...uh....you see....the guy I hired to put that in, he has kind of left the area suddenly, and I'm afraid that he might go and grab that unit and take it with him to sell it."

"Why would he do that?" I asked.

"Well....uh...he...well, he just got out of prison after being in there for 10 years on larceny charges."

"Let me get this straight, you hired an ex-con to come in to our house?!"

"Well, he was cheap...," he said as if this made it okay.

"And have you told the girl's about this?"

"Well...no...."

"I'll call you back."

So I immediately called one of the main floor tenants. After explaining the situation to her, she asked, "Why didn't he call me first?? Is his air conditioner that much more important than my safety and life?!!" It was par for the course for the landlord. After collecting her thoughts, she finally asked, "So...does Frank still have a key to our apartment then?" I immediately called back the landlord.

"Does Frank still have a key to the girl's apartment?"

"Well.....yes...."

"You need to change those locks. Immediately. You have twenty-four hours to do so."

"I guess you are right," he replied.

Sure enough, that night upon arriving home, the air conditioner was gone. We looked all over the apartment with no success. Frank had run off with the air conditioner.

Several months passed without us bringing up the situation. However, it wasn't long until again the landlord was doing things as cheap as possible with the results turning out accordingly. Again, we sent emails complaining about his service record and particularly reminding him about the fiasco with Frank, how Frank had stolen the air conditioner.

"Well about Frank," his email replied, "he actually didn't steal the air conditioner given the fact that I had not yet paid him for it..."

Nothing like a landlord that asks you to help him steal something for him.