Chicken Water

In July of 2000 I started working at a laboratory that tested water. Now, you may think to yourself what kind of tests can you do on water? Well, you'd be fascinated. We tested drinking water, pool water, water going into the sewage plant, water coming out of the sewage plants ... we tested how polluted it was, how many things were growing in it, what the weight of the solids were in the sewage, what metals were in the sewage, etc. All of which was required by the state or the local city.

Every single test that had to be done had very strict requirements to do the test. Either the water had to be stored in acid, or it had to be stored in the fridge, you needed so much for this test, and so much for that test. Usually, the place that was being tested would sort out all of this beforehand. We would give them the appropriate bottles, they would return with the proscribed amounts in each bottle.

You might think that the worst water to be smelled would be that of water from the sewers. That is water that had not yet been treated, but was 'on its way.' While this water was pungent, it was nothing compared to waters that were leaving businesses. Imagine a fast food restaurant, lets say it is mexican, take everything on the menu and blend it up, add in some water...and dump it down the drain. That's what we got. Individually, each of those smells might be ok, but together, plus add warm temperatures and a day or two....you were in for some spicey sauce.

The worst by far though came in one day when all the lab managers were out. A local chicken farm had just finished cleaning out their coops and needed the water tested that they were sending off to the sewers. They brought in one large bottle that had not been separated into the various testing bottles. It was a very warm summer day, and the water had obviously been sitting in a hot truck on the way over. As you grasped the bottle, you could feel the warmth eminating from it. The feel of that warm water bottle and the color of almost pure white was almost bad enough. But no...the bottle had to be opened, it had to be separated out.

Melanie was in charge of the dirty deed. It was her job to receive samples, and thus we made it her job to distribut out the chicken water appropriately.

Before anything could be started, two sets of gloves were put on, a face mask added, a labcoat securely buttoned. It looked as if she were heading into a nuclear waste facility, if only she were so lucky. The rest of us stood at the other end of the lab watching... waiting... the bottle was opened. Immediately the room was filled with perhaps the foulest smell known to man. I would hope that details need not be given, use your imagination as what as included in that water, and you are right... but in case your imagination isn't good enough, there were still feathers in the water, we'll leave it at that.

Melanie worked furiously, opening bottles, sealing bottles, distributing water. The whole time, fans were running, the sink was running (to flush down spilled water), noses were plugged as best possible. It took no more than five minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. Finally, the embodiment of all that is not right was closed.

No amount of air freshner was going to cover up that smell, but once the bottle was closed, the smell had no choice but to slowly dissapate. Somehow we all survived...and sewage seems almost to smell as roses ever since.